lost... even with a compass

The Girl
WHaT u DoN'T NeeD 2 KNoW aBouT Me

AL!a$ * V@N!
thestone addict, always looking for a good nudge in the commons, narcissist, kulot, maganda (bwahahahahahah walang kokontra kanya-kanya tayo hokey?), batty, bookworm, nerdy, extremely allergic to math and physics, webhostess/webmistress (wink, wink), best buddies with raven and google (reeeeeally?), trellix site wrecker (hehehe so always recreating them), trying hard na blogger, middlename is LUNA for lunatic or lukaret, know-it-all in training, duwag na nagtatapang-tapangan and i'm paid to surf the net all day every g*dd*mn day!

AGE * TiMeLe$S (i SToPPeD CouNTiNG WHeN i HiT 18)

LOCATION* aLWaYS Lo$T SoMeWHeRe, aT the WoR$T PLaCe @ THe Mo$T iNCoNVeNieNT TiMe

Other Blogs
CheCk TheM oUt

The Music
TRYiNG 2 GeT MoRe oF

Enjoy

The Stories
PaST WriTiNGS

December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 April 2006 July 2006

Doodleboard

BR@!N SQueeZe

(sarcasm and cynism galore)

"I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end."
Margaret Thatcher, in Observer April 4, 1989

i don't know who said this but i agree:
"Hell is empty and all the devils are here."

"Lately, I have come to believe that the principle difference between heaven and hell is the company you keep there."
-- Simon Illyan, from A Civil Campaign by L.M. Bujold

from The Devil's Dictionary by the ultimate cynic Ambrose Bierce :
"Patience: a minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue."
"Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one's country."
"Politics: The conduct of public affairs for private advantage."
"Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her."
"Lawyer, n.: One skilled in the circumvention of the law."
"Year, n.: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments."
"Pleasure, n.: The least hateful form of dejection."
"Reverence: the spiritual attitude of a man to a god and a dog to a man."
"Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves."
"Corporation, n.: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility."
"Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion."
"Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to."
"Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves."
"Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen."
"Quotation, n.: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another."
"Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.)"
"Brain, n.: an apparatus with which we think we think."
"Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others."
"Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic."
"Politics, n.: Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles."
"There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know."
"Politeness, n.: The most acceptable hypocrisy."
"Truth: An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance."
"Mad, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence."
"Love, n.: A temporary insanity curable by marriage."
"Egotist, n.: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me."

from Mark Twain:
"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest." "Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."
"Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please."
"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."

from Voltaire:
"If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him."

*****************************************

www.flickr.com

This is a Flickr badge showing photos in a set called Christmas Party 2005. Make your own badge here.

*****************************************

WHaT'S oN MY SH3LF???

The 8th Commandment by Lawrence Sanders

Read it and loved it. Go ahead and meet Dunk, yeah that's the protagonist's nickie

Lawrence Sander's book: Timothy's Game

Sunday, January 30, 2005

i dreamt of lala dad last night. it was the first time i've dreamed of her where she appeared so vivid, so real and so sad. i woke up sobbing.

it all started pleasantly enough. it started with angel who was an old classmate from my old school. i don't know why he was in my dream or what he was doing there. i don't think we even spoke much way back in my elementary or high school days. in my dream we were jogging and he asked me to jog with him every morning because he said that he needs to practice. i didn't quite remember what the conversation was but i had the impression that he was in the track team. but at the back of my mind - i was thinking why track?? he's into swimming, which i know he was because he even competed locally and nationally. well anyway, my answer was - i can't because i remember thinking we're going to have a change of schedules at work tomorrow. i have to wake up earlier than usual and i don't want to go to work feeling tired. so i don't think i can do it. i just can't wake up early only to jog. i've never been fan of exercise i guess - strenuous exercise no matter how cute my companion is ",>

it seemed like we were jogging in the old subdivision where we used to live before we moved to villa corazon a few years ago; because suddenly we were in front of the house of another classmate of ours catherine T. I don't know why i associated it with her house but in my dream i know that was where she lived. then angel walked pass the gates and i remember telling him "You can't do this! This is trespassing!" Well he just walked in like he owns the place.

Then he said "look what he did to her house." The weird thing was - The house had no door! usually a house had four walls, one of them would frame the door, well this one only had 3 walls and there's nothing there that would frame or hold the door! a thought flashed into my mind that I've dreamed of this place before and have also associated the same house with catherine T's house. so that's how i recognized it again in my dream! then details about that other dream came to me - it seemed that catherine married Willie Revillame! in my dream now they have separated and now Willie has the house for some reason i cannot fathom. what catherine was doing married to this guy in my dream is one thing i cannot understand and quite hilarious. it would've been if i didn't wake up crying... in the first place this guy is an comedian and from what i've seen and heard- quite nutty ",).

the entrance to the house does not face the street - it's on your left side if you approach the house from the street or their gate. the house had no doors (which somehow reminded me of barrio churches) and the side facing the street were mostly windows (the kind with jalousies, not sure how else to describe it but i heard that's what these type of windows were called). outside it was painted white, but inside it's not painted yet - the color of cement. i noticed that the floor was made up of rusty colored tiles (though it doens't look like it's finished already because some parts of the house weren't in tiles yet). inside the house a purplish sheet of cloth served as the partition or division between the living room(though i didn't see any chairs or sofa) from what seemed to be the bedroom.

angel was walking ahead of me while i was looking behind us to see if any of the neighbors noticed or if the owner would come back. he parted that sheet of cloth and when we looked inside, the folding bed was folded (if you know what i mean like when it's not being used). like ate ange's folding bed only it was dark green. Now i recalled that in my other dream when i came upon this place the bed was laid out like somebody has been using it and it was ocvered by a white bedsheet. but on this particular dream,i remember thinking it doesn't look like somebody has been sleeping here. then we went out of that bedroom. the interior of the house was dark. i cannot see far back. then angel suddenly said "it's so windy." so he walked over to the windows and started to close the first set of windows closest to the entrance.

I yelled "don't do that!" but it was too late because he already closed it. then as he was withdrawing his hand my lala dad had her hand on his wrist. i didn't know where she came from she just appeared out of nowhere. and i know that was the reason i was trying to stop angel because in my past dream she doesn't want the window to be closed. i don't know why i knew it was her, i just know it. i don't understandhw i know it was the her my mindhas been referring to in my dream... I JUST KNOW IT. IT's LALA!

as i was trying to say in the first paragraph, she looked so real. i must've gaped at her for a few seconds, thinking it can't be she's dead. for an instant i seem to realize this is not real i'm dreaming because she's left a long time ago. she's dead. she never said a word she jsut looked at me.

but she looks more alive in this dream, more real, like she's really alive. like she just came home from school (she was a teacher). she was wearing what looks like a uniform - barong style but with long sleeves, buttons at the front. my grandmother is small, petite. that's how she appeared in my dream; the clothes hug her petite frame and she was wearing what looks like a gray or maybe greyish blue skirt slightly above the knees.

in this dream she was mad at angel for closing the window. so different from my other dream of her where although her features are a bit blurry (like when you look at her face it's like there's a sun or bright light behind her because you have to squint to see clearly). in those dreams i can sense she's happy and smiling. but she's not in this particular dream. i know she's...mad. she just wasn't smiling at all. she was somber. i remember apologizing over and over. "lala i'm sorry i'm sorry".

angel closed the window and that upset her. her face never changed you know, she was just staring at me with the same somber expression. i was holding both of her hands on each of mine. and then i said "i miss you lala, i miss you" i said it over and over and over and over again and her face crumpled like she was going to cry. by this time i was already sobbing in my dream. i kept saying "lala i miss you lala i miss you." it's one of those times i know i have so much to say sensible logicalthings but in my dream those are the only sentences i can mutter.

i wanted to hug her but i know in that instant i was slowly losing her, she was fading and it felt like i was being pulled away slowly. until everything was black and all i can think of is: this is a dream, my mom will hear me sob and she's gonna wake me up and ask me why i'm crying. i woke up sobbing. then everything came to me all at once. i'm all alone in my room. my mom's in naga. jack is in naga. she won't be back til tonight. and when i checked my cellphone for the time it's a few minutes after four in the morning. i thought of texting auntie melds or even uncle lito but they'll think me nuts for sending text messages during this time when everybody is asleep. and what are the chances of having the same dream as i do right? i never fell asleep again. i was crying until the sun came up and it was time to get up, wash and go to work.

now i don't even remember most of my dreams down to the last detail. this is the only dream i can recall down to a T - the colors, what she was wearing, where it's happening. and it looks like i've been dreaming of the same house but everything just came together in this particular dream.

is she trying to tell me something? have i offended her? what's going on in naga?- that thought bugged me over and over again even as i was taking my bath my tears were mingling with the water.

Comments: Post a Comment