WHaT u DoN'T NeeD 2 KNoW aBouT Me
AL!a$ * V@N!
thestone addict, always looking for a good nudge in the commons, narcissist, kulot, maganda (bwahahahahahah walang kokontra kanya-kanya tayo hokey?), batty, bookworm, nerdy, extremely allergic to math and physics, webhostess/webmistress (wink, wink), best buddies with raven and google (reeeeeally?), trellix site wrecker (hehehe so always recreating them), trying hard na blogger, middlename is LUNA for lunatic or lukaret, know-it-all in training, duwag na nagtatapang-tapangan and i'm paid to surf the net all day every g*dd*mn day!
thestone addict, always looking for a good nudge in the commons, narcissist, kulot, maganda (bwahahahahahah walang kokontra kanya-kanya tayo hokey?), batty, bookworm, nerdy, extremely allergic to math and physics, webhostess/webmistress (wink, wink), best buddies with raven and google (reeeeeally?), trellix site wrecker (hehehe so always recreating them), trying hard na blogger, middlename is LUNA for lunatic or lukaret, know-it-all in training, duwag na nagtatapang-tapangan and i'm paid to surf the net all day every g*dd*mn day!
AGE * TiMeLe$S (i SToPPeD CouNTiNG WHeN i HiT 18)
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i've got nine puzzles so far since i signed up. and for the free puzzles i've uncovered about 4 of them with help from a couple of people. for the free puzzles am done with the watchers, top secret (steele was able to figure them all out first), gravity(was soo misleading - but ally was the first one to figure it all out - astig!), eye of the storm (which i think was the first puzzle i figured out by myself - i was so delirious let me tell you)= )
for more puzzles sign up. it's free anyway.
i'm trying to figure out these puzzles - the gift, the call, tow the line, the enlightenment, perspective, the manifesto, magic, to focus... and a million others it seems! AND i don't for the life of me know what the heck they're asking me for???? if you know what i'm talking about. any break throughs of your own? please be kind enough to post it here...
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if there's one thing that book affirmed for me. i'm glad i was born catholic and still is catholic - albeit not a good one. but i'm glad i am.
ok so the church may not be perfect (it's ruled by men - what do you expect?). but it's the best religion for me. i'm not even religious - remotely (i work on sundays). my mom says my god is money. that's not really so true, i just have a rotten schedule. i work on weekends, reluctantly. ok so not a good excuse.
sarchie is a cop and also sidelines as an exorcist. what he wrote in that book is humbling. if you ever had any doubt about God or Christ, that book will erase that for you. demons are afraid of Jesus, the first exorcist. you will notice how demons in the book cower or answer when they say Jesus' name. they're really scared of him. sarchie and his friend joe assist bishop mckenna during exorcisms. or sometimes he and his friend joe plus other members of his group do the exorcism themselves. they do a black fast before any exorcism to prepare themselves.
there was a case of a demon which they found out to be ancient. while they were exorcising the man he possessed, he said to christ on the crucifix, you weren't suppose to die and to the Virgin Mary you weren't suppose to say yes. the man possessed by this demon has undergone 7 or 8 exorcisms. they can't purge him out. he was really strong. the person he possessed can even take communion. so they know that the demon is not only ancient, it's strong as well.
the problem with failed exorcisms is that it's like a curse on the exorcist. according to sarchie everytime september would come which was when they exorcised the man, life gets hard. he nearly lost his friendship with his best friend joe and nearly got divorce. what kept his relationships together is prayer. there was also a nun who helped during a previous exorcism of this man, she left the convent. sarchie said that it's because the devil hates us humans so much (even his followers), so you gotta have faith that you can get through this. faith hope charity/love...you need these.
and even if you died during possession or because somebody cursed you, your soul wouldn't end up in hell simply since you did not surrender your soul to the devil. the only time it will is if you agreed or gave it up to the being down under. father malachi martin told sarchie that if he ever enountered total/full possession (wherein the person agreed to give his sould to the devil), he has to run like hell.
not all priest can perform exorcisms. and neither can it be performed instantly. it requires investigation. they need to know if it's just something that a trip to the pychiatrist can cure or if not how strong the demon they would have to be dealing with.
exorcism takes it's toll not only on the victim but also on the person doing or helping the exorcism. because for sure the devil will lash out on the people who drove him out in the name of Christ. these people's lives are never the same. it's like you're being constantly tested - your faith, your relationships (family, friends etc). and sometimes the demons haunting the victims would visit the exorcists at their homes as well and terrorize their family. it was i think st. augustine who said that thought is substance. so sarchie says he tries not to think of this Work when he's at home. because when you think of the devil - oh well you're courting disaster. it's like prayer, when you pray to God you're thoughts/prayers link you to Him. so even if you're on your lowest point and feel like God abandoned you, PRAY. thought is substance. am sure he can hear you.
how to distinguish if it's just a ghost or a demon? ghost can only move objects and to move a bigger heavier object it would need a lot of ghosts pooling their energy together. they can't make things (big/heavy things) disappear and reappear. when it starts to do that, chances, you have yourself a demon or something inhuman. and if it can manipulate holy objects, it's a very strong one.
we've always heard of the triple 6 being associated with satanism. oh well this book said the #3 is actually the demon's calling card. the witching hour according to sarchie starts at 3am demons like to do things in reverse. christ died at 3pm and we have 3 persons in the trinity. you would hear 3 knocks on your door and when you open it, of course there's no one there. 3 scratches - mostly in threes. so it's something they look out for.
and want to know why you need to go to confession? it's because once God has already forgiven your sins. the devil can't hurl them against you. he wouldn't know about them at all. it's forgiven. the same way that we acknowledge that there is heaven, we must also believe that there is hell. the more we deny that the devil doesn't exist, the stronger he becomes.
after reading that book, i prayed the rosary that night. when i went to sleep, i experienced something that happened to me before. it's where you thought you're asleep but it's like you're eyes are open. i can see everything in the room. but i cna't move anyhting. and i can hear continous buzzing and it felt like something is trying to sit on my head. what i did as usual is pray the our father and prayed to st. michael for good measure because we all know he fought demons. One time this happened to me, it was so long i nearly finished a decade or two of the rosary and the other time i felt like someone or something was choking me, i was having difficulty breathing. these episodes will always be accompanied by a sort of noisy buzzing and not being able to move any part of my body. i can't scream or talk. and when i tried waking up, sometimes i felt like i woke up already because i find myself walking around our house or our room but then i would suddenly "wake up" and find out i never left the bed at all. and that actually i just "woke up!" weird... so this episode was not as long as the past episodes and the first time it ever happened to me since i moved here. it was probably brought up by my reading of that book. i would usually have these episodes when my body is very tired, i guess it makes our mind susceptible to things like these.
some people are simply born for this kind of noble Work. it requires an unwavering faith and strenght of will. this book has made hell more of a reality for me; as real as heaven. it is however incomprehensible how some people can turn over their souls to the devil. why on God's green earth would they do that???
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She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect. They met and became lovers in college. They broke up last year but remained to be "friends." They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure she's okay. They still date. They still have sex. They don't see anyone else. It is obvious that they still love each other but when asked about their situation, she doesn't know the real score. Even her friends are in the dark. "Parang sila, pero hindi."She works in a telecom. He is reviewing for the board. They are in the same barkada. They talk on the phone till 4 am. He gives her chocolates, flowers and CDs even when there is no occasion. Their friends are suspecting something. Bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may overnight inuman? Why does he hold her close on the dance floor? Bakit sila magkaholding hands lagi? Sila kaya? "He hasn't admitted anything," she rants. "But I let him hug and kiss me. Parang kami, pero hindi."
They work together in an ad agency. After office, they would watch movie, have dinner and stroll at Glorietta. She gave him Harry Potter books for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex jealous. They made out during the company outing in Subic and never talked about it. He said "I love you" once but she wasn't sure if she heard him correctly because they were both drunk then. But one thing she is sure of is her feelings for him. She likes him. And she's assuming that with what he's doing to her and with her, he likes her, too. There's just one hitch: he has a girlfriend!
She is a 28-year-old virgin. He's a 35-year-old bachelor. Both mountaineers, they became close during their climbs. After a few dates in posh restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would make out. They have been doing this for months. She wants to believe that "sila na" but then she's not really sure about it. "We don't talk about it but it doesn't really matter," she'd tell her friends. "What's important is I am enjoying this -- whatever it is."
The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutual understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.
This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons.
It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. And for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam.
Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang.Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually the guy --may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo."
This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro."Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan.
So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom." Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian. For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.
Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships din ako. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren't ready to commit.My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."
Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae lagi ang lugi.
Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really a relationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your role in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself. Ano ka ba niya para magselos?
Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all.
Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't? What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other girls?
Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me," hindi "us."
Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else.Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the process.
Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences.But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.
When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailable guy, a friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka. Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita."
Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo. Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang doon lang siya - almost, but not quite.
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BR@!N SQueeZe
(sarcasm and cynism galore)
"I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end."
Margaret Thatcher, in Observer April 4, 1989
Margaret Thatcher, in Observer April 4, 1989
i don't know who said this but i agree:
"Hell is empty and all the devils are here."
"Lately, I have come to believe that the principle difference between heaven and hell is the company you keep there."
-- Simon Illyan, from A Civil Campaign by L.M. Bujold
from The Devil's Dictionary by the ultimate cynic Ambrose Bierce :
"Patience: a minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue."
"Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one's country."
"Politics: The conduct of public affairs for private advantage."
"Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her."
"Lawyer, n.: One skilled in the circumvention of the law."
"Year, n.: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments."
"Pleasure, n.: The least hateful form of dejection."
"Reverence: the spiritual attitude of a man to a god and a dog to a man."
"Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves."
"Corporation, n.: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility."
"Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion."
"Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to."
"Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves."
"Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen."
"Quotation, n.: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another."
"Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.)"
"Brain, n.: an apparatus with which we think we think."
"Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others."
"Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic."
"Politics, n.: Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles."
"There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know."
"Politeness, n.: The most acceptable hypocrisy."
"Truth: An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance."
"Mad, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence."
"Love, n.: A temporary insanity curable by marriage."
"Egotist, n.: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me."
from Mark Twain:
"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest."
"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."
"Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please."
"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
from Voltaire:
"If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him."
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WHaT'S oN MY SH3LF???
The 8th Commandment by Lawrence Sanders
Lawrence Sander's book: Timothy's Game
Sunday, March 27, 2005
i haven't updated this in what seems like ages. i've been preoccupied with THESTONE - well go figure. wanna know what it is? search for it.i've got nine puzzles so far since i signed up. and for the free puzzles i've uncovered about 4 of them with help from a couple of people. for the free puzzles am done with the watchers, top secret (steele was able to figure them all out first), gravity(was soo misleading - but ally was the first one to figure it all out - astig!), eye of the storm (which i think was the first puzzle i figured out by myself - i was so delirious let me tell you)= )
for more puzzles sign up. it's free anyway.
i'm trying to figure out these puzzles - the gift, the call, tow the line, the enlightenment, perspective, the manifesto, magic, to focus... and a million others it seems! AND i don't for the life of me know what the heck they're asking me for???? if you know what i'm talking about. any break throughs of your own? please be kind enough to post it here...
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Thursday, March 10, 2005
why is is that people send you text messages when you don't have any load at all? but doesn't send you any messages when you're "loaded"? sigh...i accidentally deleted all the messages in my inbox. i've had some of them for over a year. i'm one of those people who find it hard to part with some things. does that make me clingy? hmmm
it's so disconcerting to find no messages at all in there. i feel so...isolated...unloved...
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Sunday, March 06, 2005
i'm on overtime because some people were MIA - haha. i got michael again of the search bots fame. still asking why google can't index his site. told eu to add an html code that would make his homepage friendly to search bots or to allow them to index it... unsupported issue....*
Saturday, March 05, 2005
last thursday i read the book beware the night by ralph sarchie. finished the book on the same day. it's mainly about possession (the worst kind) and exorcism. it's one spooky book and powerful enough to make me decide to pray the rosary everynight from then on. i've had goosebumps from start to finish.if there's one thing that book affirmed for me. i'm glad i was born catholic and still is catholic - albeit not a good one. but i'm glad i am.
ok so the church may not be perfect (it's ruled by men - what do you expect?). but it's the best religion for me. i'm not even religious - remotely (i work on sundays). my mom says my god is money. that's not really so true, i just have a rotten schedule. i work on weekends, reluctantly. ok so not a good excuse.
sarchie is a cop and also sidelines as an exorcist. what he wrote in that book is humbling. if you ever had any doubt about God or Christ, that book will erase that for you. demons are afraid of Jesus, the first exorcist. you will notice how demons in the book cower or answer when they say Jesus' name. they're really scared of him. sarchie and his friend joe assist bishop mckenna during exorcisms. or sometimes he and his friend joe plus other members of his group do the exorcism themselves. they do a black fast before any exorcism to prepare themselves.
there was a case of a demon which they found out to be ancient. while they were exorcising the man he possessed, he said to christ on the crucifix, you weren't suppose to die and to the Virgin Mary you weren't suppose to say yes. the man possessed by this demon has undergone 7 or 8 exorcisms. they can't purge him out. he was really strong. the person he possessed can even take communion. so they know that the demon is not only ancient, it's strong as well.
the problem with failed exorcisms is that it's like a curse on the exorcist. according to sarchie everytime september would come which was when they exorcised the man, life gets hard. he nearly lost his friendship with his best friend joe and nearly got divorce. what kept his relationships together is prayer. there was also a nun who helped during a previous exorcism of this man, she left the convent. sarchie said that it's because the devil hates us humans so much (even his followers), so you gotta have faith that you can get through this. faith hope charity/love...you need these.
and even if you died during possession or because somebody cursed you, your soul wouldn't end up in hell simply since you did not surrender your soul to the devil. the only time it will is if you agreed or gave it up to the being down under. father malachi martin told sarchie that if he ever enountered total/full possession (wherein the person agreed to give his sould to the devil), he has to run like hell.
not all priest can perform exorcisms. and neither can it be performed instantly. it requires investigation. they need to know if it's just something that a trip to the pychiatrist can cure or if not how strong the demon they would have to be dealing with.
exorcism takes it's toll not only on the victim but also on the person doing or helping the exorcism. because for sure the devil will lash out on the people who drove him out in the name of Christ. these people's lives are never the same. it's like you're being constantly tested - your faith, your relationships (family, friends etc). and sometimes the demons haunting the victims would visit the exorcists at their homes as well and terrorize their family. it was i think st. augustine who said that thought is substance. so sarchie says he tries not to think of this Work when he's at home. because when you think of the devil - oh well you're courting disaster. it's like prayer, when you pray to God you're thoughts/prayers link you to Him. so even if you're on your lowest point and feel like God abandoned you, PRAY. thought is substance. am sure he can hear you.
how to distinguish if it's just a ghost or a demon? ghost can only move objects and to move a bigger heavier object it would need a lot of ghosts pooling their energy together. they can't make things (big/heavy things) disappear and reappear. when it starts to do that, chances, you have yourself a demon or something inhuman. and if it can manipulate holy objects, it's a very strong one.
we've always heard of the triple 6 being associated with satanism. oh well this book said the #3 is actually the demon's calling card. the witching hour according to sarchie starts at 3am demons like to do things in reverse. christ died at 3pm and we have 3 persons in the trinity. you would hear 3 knocks on your door and when you open it, of course there's no one there. 3 scratches - mostly in threes. so it's something they look out for.
and want to know why you need to go to confession? it's because once God has already forgiven your sins. the devil can't hurl them against you. he wouldn't know about them at all. it's forgiven. the same way that we acknowledge that there is heaven, we must also believe that there is hell. the more we deny that the devil doesn't exist, the stronger he becomes.
after reading that book, i prayed the rosary that night. when i went to sleep, i experienced something that happened to me before. it's where you thought you're asleep but it's like you're eyes are open. i can see everything in the room. but i cna't move anyhting. and i can hear continous buzzing and it felt like something is trying to sit on my head. what i did as usual is pray the our father and prayed to st. michael for good measure because we all know he fought demons. One time this happened to me, it was so long i nearly finished a decade or two of the rosary and the other time i felt like someone or something was choking me, i was having difficulty breathing. these episodes will always be accompanied by a sort of noisy buzzing and not being able to move any part of my body. i can't scream or talk. and when i tried waking up, sometimes i felt like i woke up already because i find myself walking around our house or our room but then i would suddenly "wake up" and find out i never left the bed at all. and that actually i just "woke up!" weird... so this episode was not as long as the past episodes and the first time it ever happened to me since i moved here. it was probably brought up by my reading of that book. i would usually have these episodes when my body is very tired, i guess it makes our mind susceptible to things like these.
some people are simply born for this kind of noble Work. it requires an unwavering faith and strenght of will. this book has made hell more of a reality for me; as real as heaven. it is however incomprehensible how some people can turn over their souls to the devil. why on God's green earth would they do that???
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Wednesday, March 02, 2005
this was posted by anne, one of my sister's friendster buddies. i'm not sure if she penned this herself - or if she didn't it was probably copied from some magazine or blog or wherever. this is all about MU relationships. if you don't know what that is, then read on. And if you're in one take it as a heads up, it's written for you.She is a 24-year old copywriter. He is an architect. They met and became lovers in college. They broke up last year but remained to be "friends." They send sweet text messages and he calls her often to make sure she's okay. They still date. They still have sex. They don't see anyone else. It is obvious that they still love each other but when asked about their situation, she doesn't know the real score. Even her friends are in the dark. "Parang sila, pero hindi."She works in a telecom. He is reviewing for the board. They are in the same barkada. They talk on the phone till 4 am. He gives her chocolates, flowers and CDs even when there is no occasion. Their friends are suspecting something. Bakit sila nagsosolo kapag may overnight inuman? Why does he hold her close on the dance floor? Bakit sila magkaholding hands lagi? Sila kaya? "He hasn't admitted anything," she rants. "But I let him hug and kiss me. Parang kami, pero hindi."
They work together in an ad agency. After office, they would watch movie, have dinner and stroll at Glorietta. She gave him Harry Potter books for his birthday in exchange for posing as her boyfriend to make an ex jealous. They made out during the company outing in Subic and never talked about it. He said "I love you" once but she wasn't sure if she heard him correctly because they were both drunk then. But one thing she is sure of is her feelings for him. She likes him. And she's assuming that with what he's doing to her and with her, he likes her, too. There's just one hitch: he has a girlfriend!
She is a 28-year-old virgin. He's a 35-year-old bachelor. Both mountaineers, they became close during their climbs. After a few dates in posh restaurants, he brings her to his condo where they would make out. They have been doing this for months. She wants to believe that "sila na" but then she's not really sure about it. "We don't talk about it but it doesn't really matter," she'd tell her friends. "What's important is I am enjoying this -- whatever it is."
The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutual understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.
This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons.
It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. And for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan.It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam.
Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang.Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually the guy --may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo."
This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro."Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan.
So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom." Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian. For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.
Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships din ako. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren't ready to commit.My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."
Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae lagi ang lugi.
Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really a relationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your role in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself. Ano ka ba niya para magselos?
Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all.
Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't? What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other girls?
Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me," hindi "us."
Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else.Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the process.
Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences.But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.
When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailable guy, a friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka. Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita."
Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo. Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang doon lang siya - almost, but not quite.
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