lost... even with a compass

The Girl
WHaT u DoN'T NeeD 2 KNoW aBouT Me

AL!a$ * V@N!
thestone addict, always looking for a good nudge in the commons, narcissist, kulot, maganda (bwahahahahahah walang kokontra kanya-kanya tayo hokey?), batty, bookworm, nerdy, extremely allergic to math and physics, webhostess/webmistress (wink, wink), best buddies with raven and google (reeeeeally?), trellix site wrecker (hehehe so always recreating them), trying hard na blogger, middlename is LUNA for lunatic or lukaret, know-it-all in training, duwag na nagtatapang-tapangan and i'm paid to surf the net all day every g*dd*mn day!

AGE * TiMeLe$S (i SToPPeD CouNTiNG WHeN i HiT 18)

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December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 April 2006 July 2006

Doodleboard

BR@!N SQueeZe

(sarcasm and cynism galore)

"I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end."
Margaret Thatcher, in Observer April 4, 1989

i don't know who said this but i agree:
"Hell is empty and all the devils are here."

"Lately, I have come to believe that the principle difference between heaven and hell is the company you keep there."
-- Simon Illyan, from A Civil Campaign by L.M. Bujold

from The Devil's Dictionary by the ultimate cynic Ambrose Bierce :
"Patience: a minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue."
"Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one's country."
"Politics: The conduct of public affairs for private advantage."
"Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her."
"Lawyer, n.: One skilled in the circumvention of the law."
"Year, n.: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments."
"Pleasure, n.: The least hateful form of dejection."
"Reverence: the spiritual attitude of a man to a god and a dog to a man."
"Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves."
"Corporation, n.: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility."
"Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion."
"Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to."
"Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves."
"Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen."
"Quotation, n.: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another."
"Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.)"
"Brain, n.: an apparatus with which we think we think."
"Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others."
"Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic."
"Politics, n.: Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles."
"There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know."
"Politeness, n.: The most acceptable hypocrisy."
"Truth: An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance."
"Mad, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence."
"Love, n.: A temporary insanity curable by marriage."
"Egotist, n.: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me."

from Mark Twain:
"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest." "Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."
"Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please."
"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."

from Voltaire:
"If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him."

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WHaT'S oN MY SH3LF???

The 8th Commandment by Lawrence Sanders

Read it and loved it. Go ahead and meet Dunk, yeah that's the protagonist's nickie

Lawrence Sander's book: Timothy's Game

Saturday, October 29, 2005

retirement

my cellphone has retired. passed away. died.

well it fell off the refrigerator while we were moving from the old place we used to rent to the new one. anyway, its out of comission. so i'm incommunicado - that is only if you use sms. emails stillworking. online everyday any g*dda@mn day!

now going offline. gotta catch some sleep.

but first i need to finish this chapter of naruto.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

i noticed i have been having recurring dreams again. last night or maybe it was early morning when i had this dream, i dreamt i was in our old apartment. i was looking out the windows. i think it was dusk outside. anyway it was late in the afternoon. a man suddenly appeared in my line of vision - like he just materialized there with his back to me. i was inside the house and i could see him from the first floor window. i knew he was gonna turn to look at me and i felt instant terror at that and as he was turning to look at me i started praying the prayer to my guardian angel. at the same time i was calling his name over and over and over again. i saw his face. he looked like a man but his eyes had a scary look that really haunts me. totally creeped me out. i closed my eyes. i knew he was still looking at me. i was on the floor my two hands were covering my eyes so it was nothing but blackness for me. i knew that he was looking at me and i knew that my guardian angel was there with me because i don't feel the usual heaviness that i ususally feel when these things/dreams happen to me. like i couldn't move - a roar loud roar i could hear. and since the prayer to your guardian angel is pretty short, i was repeating it over and over and over and over and over again. while at the back of my mind i was repeating my guardian angel's name. i know they were fighting. how do i know? i had dreamt of a similar scenario before. i have forgotten all about it till i had this dream last night.

i was outside. buying something in this dream - fishball (believe it or not and to think i don't even eat it) in one of those roving bikes with sidecars. occured probably noon or afternoon because the sun was still out in this dream. when i reach the bike, a man passed by. more like a dark shadow at the edge of my vision because he passed by my side as i was about to turn my full attention to the man who sells the fishballs. and there's this heaviness on my chest like i couldn't move and i was so afraid he'd get close to me and claim me and i know i will be lost. he was just a few steps away and i know that if he reaches out he's gonna get me. i dreaded passing out. as always when these things happpen i pray my guardian angel prayer that i'd learned since i was five years old. then this guy who was also buying fishball. somehow 'deflected' this man who was trying to claim me as he was reaching out. i couldn't move so i couldn't see both of their faces - i don't think i wanna see the shadow man. everytime the shadow man tried to reach out this person beside me would shield me from him so he never got anywhere near me. then i would wake up. it's always a relief towake up. it means that the shadow was defeated.

in my recent dream, it was the first time i ever saw the shadow man's face. long black hair parted in the middle and intense eyes. i never wanted to sleep after the second dream. it seemed to me like he was just waiting for his chance when i am unawares and he'd get me. why do i see him now?

when i was back home, i used to have these episodes usually at the early stages of my sleep where i'd feel like something opened on the top of my head. or there's something sitting on top of my chest. i couldn't move. i feel like my head is open or more like my mind is exposed. there's a loud roar around me. like a huge chasm is being opened and boulders or huge things are moving. its the only sound i could hear.

at first everything is black (since lights are off)and the only light came from the lamp post beside our apartment. my eyes would get adjusted to the dark and i could see my sister's sleeping form beside me but i couldn't move. i could see my sister but i couldn't reach out to her. no words would come out of my mouth. mo matter how hard i try to scream. i don't dare tear my eyes away from her because i felt like if i do it would be nothing but blackness. sometimes these episodes last so long i nearly finished the 5 decades of the rosary. sometimes they end quite quickly about the time it takes for me to recite two Our Father's. then the roaring would stop and then i could move again. it doesnt always happen at night. it happened to me during the day as well. sometimes i thought i was able to get out of bed, because i felt like i had gotten up and even went to the kitchen and then i would 'find' myself still in bed. there was a time i felt like somebody was strangling me, i could breath and i saw somebody went up the stairs. i have never prayed so hard until then. when i woke up, i went out of the house and went to school earlier than usual. i didn't even check if somebody was indeed upstairs, because i knew i was the only one home.

5 more hours and i would have to sleep again. i have never been so scared of going to sleep. but one can only have so much coffee...

my cousin is getting married.

i'm like the eldest and he's getting married before me. ok so he has a reason to get married. he has a fiancee and i have a....hmmm....a dog?

ok so you can't marry dogs. i know that. but dogs can be more loyal than people (read: husbands). and some women have been married to 'dogs' (figuratively speaking).

it's gonna be on the 29th of this month. i'm so like not going. not because i'm bitter (really...) i have to work. and that place is like 10 hours away from here.

ok so that is a lame excuse. anyway, you know how weddings are here. it's a like a reunion. i don't like to be asked by the relatives of my relatives (like your own relatives havent' pestered you enough) why i haven't gotten myself hitched yet. heck i'm too young to get shackled. but between getting a husband and having a baby? i'd rather have a baby. can't teach an old dog new tricks, right?